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aZn.KoRe.

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Sorry. [12 Nov 2004|08:21pm]


I made another journal, because Clay Aiken's reign is over. And so is this username.

So, goodbye hangclayaiken and hello CUDDLYMEAT !

I also promise to update with drawings, Morrowind screenshots, or treasures I find on the internet (that means a lot of cosplay, furries, and goths)- less dumb text. Even if it's whining and ranting there'll still be a picture !!! PICTURES MAKE THINGS INTERESTING. AND I WANT TO HAVE A POPULAR LIVEJOURNAL.

Edit: If I didn't add you on that account it's because I really don't read your journal. No offense. I do not hate you. Post pictures of kittens and/or retards, then we'll talk.

i.<3.engrish

[11 Nov 2004|02:00pm]


Woooo I'm so excited, I can most definitely change my major. However, I won't be coming home during summer seeing as I have to start my first film semester in January and the second in Summer. All so I'm not held back from my peers. And then yeah, start off my second term in fall...

I'm more happy about this because my parents are being pretty supportive. My parents had always been annoyed about my being so fickle but they seem pretty excited. Maybe it's cos they won't have to deal with me at home for a while haha.

It's kinda sad that I won't be coming back in summer. I mean... my friends.... my cat.... not to mention friends I have made here who won't be around me for summer haha. But you know, gotta adjust.

K I have to go make important phone calls now.

4 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

[04 Nov 2004|02:05pm]


So I'm really considering changing my major drastically. To film. Generally what I like doing is writing stories and making them happen. From every bit of clothing detail to camera angles. I can do this with either comics or film, and would enjoy both. I figure I can do cartoons on the side while majoring in film since I don't know that much about equipment and other technical business.

The only problems I see happening are not being able to change it this semester and wasting a whole year's paid tuition and not being able to keep my scholarship. Fuck I wish we could still double major at this school... that would be a lot of work but at least it'd keep me busy instead of fucking playing Morrowind downloading stupid mods.

This is an important decision so I have to talk to everyone. So far everyone I've talked to encourages me but are thankfully realistic about it, and my dad wants me to make sure of what I want to do (the problems I brought up about a year's waste of money didn't seem to concern him...) I pretty much have to talk to my advisors about this though and take it from there.

At first I thought this random decision was influenced by my not liking my classes but the more I looked at it, even the next years will be redundant. Not saying I know all the techniques and I'm at my peak. But I figure these past 18 years I pretty much taught myself
so if I wanted to learn anymore I can do it. So really four years can be a waste of money and as far as I know, with how the business of freelance illustration and comics work you just send out your shit and if you're good enough people will take it in...

7 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

Dark Elves ain't shit [02 Nov 2004|05:15am]


Haha alright so much for sleep. I think I slept for maybe two hours but I woke up remembering my Morrowind finished downloading. So I, uh, downloaded some mods and altered the music (the opening title's song is Pinback's "Penelope" hehehe) I swear this graphics card on the Vaio is a fucking mystery. There are no drivers ever to download for it, it seems like it'd be primative but the graphics look as good as my former best friend and I can pretty much have a high resolution with the textures all the way up and have no trouble. The only game where the frame rate is somewhat bad is FFXI.

Finally bought oil paints today (spent $70 on them too). Um, fuckin wow. Makes painting on huge canvas a lot more fun and easy. Except it's smelling up my room. Oh shit I think I'm getting high off the fumes. J/k laffo.

I am so not feeling the whole school situation this week (well when do I ever since I go through every day in class unable to joke and laugh) I'm in the oddest mood lately. It really comes down to me not being satisfied with anything and making up disadvantages for everything. I figured that I'm just really fucking bored and thus in need of a job. If I'm going back into the restaurant business I'll only do so at Outback since I know their whole fucking menu haha. Not to mention the place is pretty damn close to where I live. Oh, my passion for steak is ultimate and true, I could sell them steaks to cows. Yeah, they're gonna have to hire me as a waitress. Oh look at the time. Fuck sculpture I'm going to play some more Morrowind and make up my hours on Saturday.

2 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

Fuckin E/N entry... SRRY. [30 Oct 2004|04:08am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]


Once in a while I start to think about things. And I guess they're very unfortunate things but not so much for me... These thoughts only happen in the early morning, or when I'm in class. If it happens it can't happen now. Sometime I'm just not feeling the whole... thingy. It's not a lack of hope, just not feeling it. Like totally different planes. It doesn't involve suicide though heehee. GOD I'M SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

Aside from that sombre note........um. Hm. I got nothin.

1 .dead.babie | i.<3.engrish

[26 Oct 2004|05:38pm]


If anyone has pictures of the sky or beach back home could you send them to me I miss it. Via AIM or E-mail (itchcream@abortionstickle.com) is fine.

i.<3.engrish

shake ya ass go beserk [26 Oct 2004|02:54am]


Halloween is this weekend ? Well fry my hide, I don't know what I'm to do. Maybe I'll dress as a zombie crackwhore. ...That doesn't sound too bad actually !!!

About four more weeks till Thanksgiving. Yee you know what that means, that hustler's coming up. That means food. FOOD. Like steak, bagels, chinatown food, and more various meats. I am seriously counting down the days. Also I think it will be a good thing for us, seeing as I can't talk to him much. And when I do it's all too...casual. I'm like Hank Hill when it comes to showing affection and wording nice...things... that are about, uh, feelings. I start to feel uncomfortable if not scared. I don't think we seem as close as we really are. I blame a traumatizing experience that I don't feel like going over for the 20th time.

This week sometime I'm also dying my hair and tapering it. Well someone else is going to do it for me. It's just going to be that caramel color I had last year, and I'll probably leave underneath black or keep some roots black. I don't know. I feel like a faggot writing about my hair in a livejournal.

I expect a steak on the table upon my return to the 239 in winter holiday.

Oh yeah and my Xbox is dead. That's depressing. I have a dead computer (or it might just be in a coma...) and a dead Xbox in this little room.

3 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

[16 Oct 2004|06:01pm]


Is it wrong that I want to take a nap at 6pm ?

I found this great place where you can just upload pictures from your camera and you pretty much have your own gallery. I made one but in order to totally edit the layout you have to pay $7 a month. It might be worth it, it might now. Let's see how long I keep it up.

aaiiee ! Let's hear it for low quality pictures.

i.<3.engrish

[11 Oct 2004|11:38pm]


Eh. It's definitely my cold medicine talking but shit's so dull. Everything's routine...go to class, bitch, uh maybe eat. I don't know I'm not gonna complain though, I'm still probably a bit homesick. First year of college sucks cunt for sure. No motivation to really work on my own things, due to all this bullshit still life we have to do... thought we were to get it over with in highschool. Photo, film, advertising, and interior design students get to jump right in. Nah. Not us. We get to waste 30k for shit we did in highschool.

Well to try and break out of a rut I'll probably paint on something huge and hang it up or give it to anyone who wants it (um...nobody...) anyway something simple and fun to paint. Like so:



Time to sleep I guess. For real now. I can't wait for class oh boy I have so many friends there wheeehehehehee every day in class is just barrels of fun wooooooooooweeeeee.
7 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

[07 Oct 2004|02:20pm]


Those with Windows XP don't update with the service pack 2. It fucks with computers. I almost lost another to it...

Today we had some essay we had to write, in order to prove we can speak english very ok. Topic was on national ID's and I finished it in 30 minutes because it was so much fun. Seriously. I compared it to Gattaca and Watership Down, about how ID's won't prevent anything really. I think I had about three paragraphs on Bigwig outwitting Efrafa. God I love that story !

K back to enjoying my long break.

SurveyCollapse )

3 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

[06 Oct 2004|12:53am]
[ mood | annoyed ]


K this is my fault I still have to paint a self portrait and it's 4am. I have class at 9am and yeah it's due today. I started my other painting maybe 15 minutes ago which I started at 1am. GOD IM SUCH A FUCKASS. Oh and I've had what fuckin four cups of coffee. Need some more but I'm scared of random battles on the way to Dunkin Donuts. Cheeerist and I'm all paranoid that I'm being too loud here in the kitchen for my roomates. OH and why am I not doing my portrait right this minute and instead online wishing I could get paid for it ? Because the fucking gesso isn't dry yet on the other canvas. Wow thanks for being a douche.

Anyway so I saw Wilco. I'm sad they didn't play Heavy Metal Drummer but wutevs. It was a great concert nonetheless. Well, up to the point where they started preaching about voting.... I don't give a fuck, if people are going to vote they will. Just because you're up on stage doesn't mean you have superior influence. Well maybe to some. And yeah my opinion on that reigns supreme.

Alright so I'm listening to Lush and it reminds me of sophomore year riding in Lance's shhelllicka. haha. omg and going to wally world at sunset. Wow at that time I didn't expect myself to be a bitter art student in NYC with a long distance plan.

Fuck yeee my nig Will accompanied me on my journey to Dunkin Doe's. Now I'm set for three more hours. It's so odd having to walk to your destination instead of relying on the Celestial Battle Buick. I'm sad I never got to put those tractor lights on it. gahaha on our way back there was this guy in a long coat crossing the street yelling at nothing. Earlier today I saw a man sitting on a bench rocking back and forth. The homeless lady with the kickin pair of addida's always sleeps soundly at the atm room. OH and yesterday I fucking saw a midget walk out of the 209 sva building hahahaha I love laughing at people who are different !!!! The gesso is still not dry so I guess I'll start on my paper for literature class....?

1 .dead.babie | i.<3.engrish

[05 Oct 2004|12:58pm]
[ mood | hungry ]


I have this new desktop picture that I can't stop looking at.
Observe:



And tonight I get to see Wilco...
4 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

[01 Oct 2004|02:25am]
[ mood | calm ]


Damn drama, I seriously hate that shit. I just give up at the end, laugh and sigh and let it roll away. Eh it was totally my fault, I think I was just in a grumpy mood. It was totally something out of nothing. And over the topic of the humanzee nonetheless. Oooohh but nobody hangs up on me, now that took the cake. Okay but right today I figured out I can be a crazy asshole, and I'll take the easier way out and blame that not seeing the sky does that to me.

Fuckin anyway, I randomly went to a Ryan Adams show. Had front row and all. It was a blast, good music to drive to. I liked when he called sushi "space food" haha he'd be pimp to hang out with.

HAHA Oh fuck that's right, yesterday I was ambushed by two giggling Asian girls. After 15 minutes of broken Engrish I finally figured out that they wanted me to join their whacky Asian club. When they found out I was Chinese (apparently they have all Koreans) they were all: "OOOOOOOOOOOOO ^_________^ /clap" good god and everyone outside the dorm building stared. Anyway so I guess I'm in their club and they had a meeting today, but since I had class till 6 I couldn't attend. Oh noes.

1 .dead.babie | i.<3.engrish

[28 Sep 2004|02:11am]
[ mood | accomplished ]


Well, I just remembered about some fucked up project we have to do for Sculpture. I have to make a film apparently. It's rather vague to me, she says something having to do with figures and sequences...? Don't get me wrong, I think this will be badass but I'm just a bit puzzled as to why we have to do this for sculpture.

Ha I bought Def Jam: Fight For NY and made this guy called Homothug (thanks Real World!) Just now I made a black version of Ian (really its just some blackman named Ian) and now I feel weird about it. Though he said he didn't mind. I really can't wait until November when he comes up we're gonna troll the streets like motherfuckers and get crunked on 40's. Maybe I'll smoke him up too haha I am kidding sorry that wasn't funny. Umm... anyway, I think he's gonna freak out though if random people talk to him. It's a pretty normal thing in this city apparently. Haha I think his dad is worried about him getting rape at subway stations though.

I think I'm becoming more content about this place. Sure people still piss me off, but they seem to like me. I guess as long as artfags don't hate me I should be fine. But still, they criticize too much. laffo!!!1 but so do I. Oh shit anyway, I think I'm becoming content because I'm finally feeling the whole art situation. Been drawing and painting again, and enjoying it. I still need new pants though.

Pinback, a new favorite band, played a show here but it was at 3:45am. Apparently they had a mini day world tour. They played a show in Japan, someplaces in Europe, another place in the US then here. Of course I didn't get to see them though.

I also lucked out on having pretty decent suite mates. Albeit I seriously think my roomate is freaked out about me listening to that Vengaboys song. She also seemed confuse when I was listening to some random rap. I can't help it though, that silly rap/hiphop shit makes me happy. It reminds me of home. New Order and the usual only remind me of dumb days chilling with my dog (I don't know why). Oh but I was only listening to Vengaboys because it's hilarious. God, thanks Amanda for "corrupting" my musical tastes.

Oh and I don't know if I mentioned it before but my suitemate Tasha had her fucking foot stepped on by Jarvis Cocker. Someone else, forget who, saw Adam Sesslar. Somebody saw MosDef at Virgin while I was there and didn't bother to summon me... thanks Will you twat. Other people saw more famous people I forget. Uh yeah so I'm telling you I'd better bump into Ashton or Damon else God spites me for sure. I think the only crazy person I met was that guy who was a visual designer at Atari.

K I'm gonna go to bed and think about my cool video game ideas.

Thanks NickCollapse )

3 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

w w w dot big cock [27 Sep 2004|02:55pm]


I had really old pictures on my camera... Circa sophomore/junior year. People pictures, animal pictures, and of course sky ones. Mmmmm nostalgia never tasted so good.

God dammit. My roomate just walked in on me listening to Vengaboys.



I may be no Josh Hartnett...Collapse )
10 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

[24 Sep 2004|03:48pm]


Hahaha I miss the hometown cast. I including the little misfits like this asshole:


6 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

[24 Sep 2004|04:10am]


This whole art college thing has been rather wayward. Especially tonight when I was in this room where this kid was randomly dancing... he was a swell dancer though. Nine hours of class tomorrow doesn't seem too appealing so I think I'm gonna cut. Also this weekend I will have a whacky laundry party.

Umm I wish for anyone to be awake right now to go trolling the streets. I have no idea who would want to do that at this hour. That's why I wish Bonzer was with me, he was always up for walking at this time. Oh noes I'm getting homesick, somebody find pictures of kittens for me.

1 .dead.babie | i.<3.engrish

need to vent [23 Sep 2004|01:56am]


For once I'm gonna pull an "indirectly talk about someone" LJ post:

I really love it when someone has a fucking problem with something you do, something pretty goddamn minor nevertheless, and choose not to talk about it with you. Instead they choose to talk shit. WOW THANKS, FUCKASS TRAITOR.

Not only is that an EXTREMELY dumb thing to find "bad" but it'd be nice if you had the fucking balls to bring it up. Fucking pussy. Sorry I'm not classy enough for you, shithead. How about next time when I do something that's so unpleasant you actually say something instead of being a whiney-ass motherfucker about it. The cold-shoulder technique, by the way, is only used by little girl bitches.

Why I oughta do acid just to spite you.

1 .dead.babie | i.<3.engrish

[21 Sep 2004|02:28pm]


K I'm seriously going goatfuck crazy. I've tried to just concentrate on the good things but... when you've got class four days a week, and a whopping 9 hours of classes on Fridays... with the SAME SHITTY PEOPLE... it just gets to ya a little bit. I've decided that the artfags here were most definitely the outcasts in highschool. And they were the type of outcasts who outcasted themselves, because they have such high fucking standards for themselves. Staying in their cozy artroom during lunch. Well anyway, here they are in art school doing what they do best and they feel like they rule the school now. They're going on a power trip and it's been pissing me off. I just want to yell at about everyone I pass. That's so cute too when they draw their shitty pictures on the sidewalk. Or how about their dance parties in front of the building ? MY GOD they are so fucking unique !!! I wish all of my friends had black hair, tight pants, and not laugh all day !! Why can't all guys be so fashionable ? HEEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!

They listen to such obscure bands too. Wowie. I wish I couldve discovered Clouds That Fail The Sky ! Fucking...goddamn....ge.....FAGGOTS.

You know how you sometimes have REALLY bad classes in highschool? Where even if the teacher and subject are alright, the people ruin it ? They're all either stupid, boring, annoying or elite art fucks? That's what i go through every day. And it'll be like this for the rest of the year. My lunch breaks are spent acting. I pretend to be interested in paint stroke techniques. Making jokes are useless.

I mean at least it's not exactly the same out of class. However, I do have to pass them every day. This school isnt as fun as I thought it was going to be... I'll just hope that the next years will be good.

4 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

[19 Sep 2004|11:33am]
[ mood | distressed ]


Alright so there's this creephole on my floor who just appears randomly where ever I am. Almost like a cat or a mosquito or what do they call them... oh yeah a stalker. Just kidding I doubt he's actually stalking me but it's fucking annoying how even when I'm trying to sleep in the hallway he's just standing there and who invited him ? Or how about waiting there for me when I get out of class at 6pm. Oh, hee hee, can't forget the many times he fucking touches my hair. :)

He also babbles on about the most senseless shit too. You can tell he tries to impress people with his whacky and cutting edge bold statements. But I must say, he's quite the comedian when it comes to jokes. Watch out Craig Kilbourne !

I'll have to draw this sometime.

5 .dead.babies | i.<3.engrish

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